The Roots of Friendship

Tony, Me, Tripp

It may seem disrespectful to suggest that laughter and smiling faces could be considered proper etiquette when mourning the loss of anyone significant in your life. After all, how many funerals, or memorial services are joyous occasions, obviously not many. The overwhelming grief and shock that often surrounds the loss of a loved one can be very powerful, but the memories of those who are left to remember are extremely powerful as well. I’ve recently discovered that a smile can be more than a therapeutic device for coping, it too can be instrumental in connecting with those who are also mourning, but are still living. I’m not suggesting that tears should be avoided, only that laughter should not be, especially when the one being mourned was the source of so much laughter.

After recently losing a friend -- a friend who was always looking for a laugh, or a way to make you laugh, it became obvious how important and rewarding it is to remember that loved one with smile. Life has a funny way of bringing people into your world and then sending them off in other directions, often becoming nothing more than a page in a book that was read and forgotten. But through the loss of this friend I’ve been reminded that any good book is worth re-reading and some are so special that they are never forgotten. Everyone who knew Tripp has a story (or 10) about him. He was the branch on our unique tree of friends that would sprout leaves of toothpaste or Stove Top stuffing to get a laugh. His brand of humor will be sorely missed but always remembered. This special group of friends that I have been fortunate enough to know are no cheap dime-store paperback novels. I know now, more than ever, that when I pick up one of these books it will be as good as the last time I read it, maybe even better. I regret not spending more time with Tripp recently.

My friend, whom we affectionately called “Tripp” was part of a group of extraordinary people who, even though they each lead very separate and distinctive lives are invisibly connected in a way that I feel very blessed to be a part of. At a party that was arranged in his memory, this large group came back together, and for a moment were cradled in the comfort of familiarity. Perhaps it is just that our own sense of vulnerability taps us on the shoulder at such a time and reminds us of our own impending fates and automatically makes us feel the need to reconnect. Whatever it is, I’m grateful for it. Today I feel more connected than ever to the people that I have been fortunate enough to know in my life. Closer even, then when we were like books jammed together on well stocked library shelves. Even though today I sit separated, like a coffee table book from these people, I know they are still there, ready to offer support that keeps us all standing straight. What a gift, what a precious and irreplaceable gift to be part of such a group, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for them and for my accidental connection to them. Michelle, Tony, Joel, Darryl, Jason, Susan, Beth, Chris, Melanie, Crystal, Joe, Kevin, Theresa, John, Mike, Doug, and on and on. For the first time in my life I realize that time is inconsequential when it comes to history. Time is only a circumstance, history, once recorded, cannot be erased regardless of the infinite power that time possesses. I love each and every one of you and when the time comes I will smile through my tears when I remember what a joy it was to know you, just as I've done with Tripp, and I hope that you will do the same for me.

So many people spend their lives trying to become something, some figment of perfection within their mind and they sever the ties to their past, as if the past were a blemish on the map depicting their new destination. What a monumental mistake it is to live your life planting new seeds while abandoning the old ones. A great novel can’t be printed on the product of a sapling, it must come from a well established tree that has grown and withstood storms of every making, only then can a book worth reading be written. I am so glad to be a character in the story of our lives and I look forward to reading each page, regardless of the unknown trials that lie ahead.